Forth Bridge Koan

An English, Irish, and Scottish steelworker are sitting on the Forth Bridge, lunchboxes in their laps.

"Stike 'n' kidney pie, stike 'n' kidney pie," grumbles the Geordie. "If there's anoatha stike 'n' kidney pie in this lunchbox, I'll jump!"

He opens the box. "STIKE AND KIDNEY PIE!" he screams, and throws himself off the bridge.

The Irishman doesn't notice; he's too fixated on his own misery. "Bacon 'n' cabbage fer breakfast," he growls. "Bacon 'n' cabbage fer supper! Sure, if dere be bacon 'n' cabbage in dis lunchbox, Oi jump!"

He opens the box. "BACON AND CABBAGE!" he screams, and throws himself off the bridge.

The Scot, none the worse for finding himself alone, mutters, "Haggis 'n' neeps, och how Ah hate haggis 'n' neeps! If Ah see haggis 'n' neeps in this lunchbox, right then: Ah jump!"

He opens the box. "HAGGIS AND NEEPS!" he screams, and throws himself off the bridge.


Two days later the widows meet at the funeral.


"If only," sobs the Geordess, "if only I'd packed soomthin oatha than stike 'n' kidney pie, me Nigel'ud still be alive!"

"Sure!" agrees her Irish sister. "N'if only Oi'd not made bacon 'n' cabbage, just fer the day, me Seán'd still be with us!"

They turn to the Scotswoman, expectant.

"Well dinna luik at me!" she snaps. "Ma husband packed his ane lunch!"


(True story.)


Wu Ya's commentary: "A good tenzo is worth his weight in gold."


(Photo of the Forth Rail Bridge courtesy of Chris Combe and Wikimedia Commons.)